Today I got a little advice from an acquaintance of my mother that I guess makes sense.

Now, I need to live my life deliberately.

I admit, in the last month, I’ve been rather passive. I could manage little else.

But, it makes sense. My mother wouldn’t want me to withdraw or lose my way. She helped create an environment in which I could lead the life I wanted. I know it’s now my job to continue what she put me on the path to do.

Easier said than done.

Today was ok again. Pretty busy. Ran some errands. Cleaned the house. Went to the market. Did some work. Visited with a friend. Made some phone calls. Oil change for the car in preparation for tomorrow’s drive up to Santa Barbara. I’m looking forward to the drive. Long drives relax me, and are usually good for writing ideas.

I bought a calendar today. The only one available starts in January. Still, I was able to mark down some goals. The key one being submitting pages for critique at the Southern California Writer’s Conference in February. Still not sure what those pages are going to be–draft #2 of the WIP or something new. My writing group meets on Saturday. Last Saturday before NaNoWriMo starts. Hopefully I’ll have a decision or at least an idea by then.

So, I need to go about this new chapter of my life deliberately. I’ll try.

Advertisements

Two weeks ago today.

Kept thinking about everything that happened. Hour by hour. Minute by minute.

I’m realizing I’m never going to forget the chain of events of that day. I may be hazy on the night before, the last night I talked to her; but I’ll never forget the day I found her. I hate that. I want both of those days to be just like any other & for her to still be here.

I keep readying to say something to her, but then catch myself as the first word begins to slip out of my mouth. She’s not there to hear it. I do talk to her, but it’s not the same.

My brother booked his ticket back to the East Coast for next Saturday. I know he needs to go back to school & the life he’s started there. It’s what my mother would want. But I don’t know. I’m going to be on my own. I don’t know how I feel about being on my own, without her.

I went to my writing group this morning. It was good to do something from my old routine. We just talked. No writing today. But I did put out there that I still intend to go to the Southern California Writers’ Conference in February & to have something to submit for critique. I’m not sure what it’s going to be at this point. I still can’t see myself starting on draft 2 of my current WIP. I don’t see myself continuing that story. I’m still thinking there is something else floating in my head that I need to get on paper. We’ll see. Maybe after more time has passed I’ll be able to go back to it. I’m just letting myself be open to whatever comes. There’s nothing else I can do.

Image: Unspeakably Awesome via flickr

Mood: Hesitant to admit this, but I might as well put it out there

Currently listening to: L’Interprete by Brazilian Girls

During Saturday’s writing group, we got to talking about writing conferences & next steps once I have a decent draft. The Southern California Writers’ Conference in San Diego next February 13-16 was brought up.

With a probably unrealistic dose of optimism, I’ve decided I want to have the first 20-30 pages in good enough shape to submit for author/agent critique at the San Diego conference. The author critiques look at craft, while the agent critiques look at salability. I need a goal to keep me on track & I think this is it. It’s the logical next step.

I’m stating this goal publically (although with hesitation) because I need to put it out there, I need to see it in print, I need to be held accountable. This blog has proven incredibly effective in keeping me on track. When you’re being watched, it’s much harder to let yourself fall flat on your face. Yes, there will be plenty of those moments, but they’re just part of the road that will actually get me wherever it is I’m going with this thing I’m writing.

————————

By the way, if you’re looking for a good list of writers’ conferences & book festivals in southern California, check out Barbara DeMarco-Barrett’s article, “The Write Stuff: A Guide to SoCal’s Literary and Book Festivals,” in the September issue of Westways magazine (put out by the Automobile Club of Southern California). DeMarco-Barrett is the author of Pen on Fire, a book I recommended here. Unfortunately, I haven’t been able to find a online link to the article. Westways posts the articles online once the next issue is published. So, I would assume sometime later this month/October that the article should be available online.