Finally talked to Leo’s vet today & got the timelines she didn’t want to leave on voicemail.

With no treatment: a month.

With chemo: a year.

The specifics are that the mass removed was a mast cell tumor, grade 3. Grade 3 means its the most malignant. Lovely.

So, all roads lead to chemo. I need to make an appointment with the oncology specialist who will take over his care & tell us more. Essentially, he/she will need to assess what stage the cancer is at, which will further affect the timelines & give us an idea of specific treatment protocols.

The idea that without treatment he might not make it a month seems totally bizarre. The vet did say that the one-month timeline lacked info on the size of the actual tumor. It’s a rough estimate or average based on the kind of tumor in general. But still, he’s perfectly fine right now. His energy level is normal, as is his appetite. I guess the appetite is something we’re supposed to be watching closely. If he starts experiencing nausea, vomiting, weight loss, or loss of appetite then that means things aren’t good.

But that doesn’t matter. We’re going chemo. Yes, I’m aware that it will have it’s own side-effects & issues; but, from what I’ve been told, dogs handle chemo much better than humans. And yes, there is the small issue of expense, but at this point, this is a problem I can throw money at–at least to a certain extent; so, I will. I’ll find the means.  I just want to buy time, for him & me.

So, positive thoughts.

I really can’t take much more.

9 weeks ago today my mother died. Today I got the results of my dog Leo’s biopsy results. The mass was malignant.

Not the news I wanted or needed. Believe me, I know life could be worse; but right now, it pretty much fucking sucks.

Having these dogs with me the last 9 weeks has helped me cope with everything. There’s nothing like a dog demanding to be let out or fed to get you out of bed every day. I’ve lost dogs before. But right now, I really can’t handle this. Maybe in a year. Maybe 2. Ok, realistically there will never be an easy time. But some time far off in the future would be much better than now.

I don’t have a lot of details right now. I kind of lost focus as the doctor was talking to me. So, I don’t really remember the specific name or anything else. All I remember is that she is checking on prognosis stats for chemo & no treatment. I should know more later this week, if not by Saturday when Leo goes back in to get his sutures removed.

You know, I could wrap my head around this better if he actually displayed symptoms of being sick. But he’s perfectly himself & every other test result, EXCEPT this biopsy, is normal.

I really miss my mom right now.

I hate this. I really fucking hate this.