Leo’s biopsy results weren’t in today when we went for his recheck. So, we have to wait 1 more day.

One more day of positive thoughts. That can’t hurt.

BENIGN
BENIGN
BENIGN

I should get biopsy results today on the lump removed from my dog Leo’s leg this past Tuesday.

It’s going to come back BENIGN & we can put this behind us, & move forward with our lives.

So, all positive thoughts appreciated.

BENIGN

BENIGN

BENIGN

The 20th. Two months.

It feels like yesterday. It feels like a year ago. It doesn’t feel real. I really don’t get how all of those feelings are possible at the same time?

Found myself crying out of nowhere while on my way over to a family friend’s house for lunch. Maybe it was a line in the song I was listening to. I don’t know. I’ve gotten over trying to make myself look presententable after crying. I really don’t care anymore if I look like I’ve been balling.

I’m convinced these friends won’t leave me alone on the 20th. That’s fine with me.

Didn’t really do anything else today. Maybe that was on purpose, maybe it was subconscious. I don’t know. Just want the day over.

Leo’s doing fine. His energy level & mobility are back to where they were pre-surgery. Although, he’s supposed to be taking it easy. Hard to convince him of that. Tomorrow is his recheck for his sutures & possibly results. (BENIGN BENIGN BENIGN.)

New thing for the day: pickles in tuna & I didn’t gag.

Image: Kentigern via flickr

The kid in question is my dog, Leo. He’s doing well today. He’s his usual bright, perky, and somewhat annoying self. The only difference is he’s not supposed to be running & jumping, so I have to grab him when he’s about to run & bark at a stranger walking by. And if I put him up on the sofa or bed to sleep (where he seems most comfortable), I have to keep an eye on him to make sure he doesn’t jump down on his own. Kind of cuts into my sleep time. With the plastic cone around his neck, his ability to eat & drink on his own is slightly impeded. Although, the drinking problem has been somewhat resolved. I found a dog bowl stand my mother must have bought sometime ago. It raises the bowls off the floor & he’s able to drink without knocking the bowl over. (I’m tired of stepping in puddles of water & having to make sure they’re puddles of water.) I had to put a t-shirt on him today. While the cone does a great job of keeping him from licking or biting his sutures, it’s useless at keeping him from scratching at it with his back leg. So, the t-shirt is on to offer some protection. I’ve never dressed my dogs up before, but seriously, he looks so freaking cute. The t-shirt is too big on him (on purpose, I didn’t want one that was too tight around his leg). He’s drowning in it. I have to roll it up when he goes out to do his business. I’m not saying I’m going to start dressing these guys, but seriously, I get how people get sucked into doing so now.

I didn’t sleep much last night. Woke up at 2 when Leo was coughing (a result of the incubation during surgery) & then he wanted to sleep on the sofa with me. So, I ended up with half the sofa & had to keep an eye on him to make sure he didn’t wake up & jump off on his own. Ended up watching some early morning TV. Stumbled upon one of my favorite movies, Stealing Beauty, on cable at 4 AM. I don’t think I’ve seen it since it came out in 1996. I remember seeing it right before I went to Bologna, Italy to study for a year. (God, that was over 10 years ago now. It doesn’t feel like that long ago. Time seriously flies!) Anyways, beautiful coming of age film by Bernardo Bertolucci. I love simple films like this one. Movies like this put me in the mood to write. I need to buy the DVD.

Not a bad day. A little tired. Two more days till this is hopefully all behind us.

Remember: BENIGN, BENIGN, BENIGN

Leo’s surgery went fine & he’s home now & sleeping. The vet removed the lump. She said part of it was fatty matter, but the other part was something else. So, now we wait for biopsy results which should be in on Friday.

Right now, he’s sleeping. I know I kid that these dogs are like the children I’ve always been apathetic about having. That couldn’t be more true tonight. I’m having to totally baby him. Leo is wearing one of those plastic cones around his neck to keep him from scratching or licking his incision. He can’t drink water from the bowl unless I hold it up for him. Plus I had to hand feed him his dinner. His right front leg & much of his chest has been shaved. He can’t really bend his leg, so he struggled for the first hour we were home trying to figure out how to lay down. Finally, I picked him up & put him on the sofa with me, & he figured out how to lay down & went right to sleep. I’m supposed to keep him quiet & restrict his movement–no running or jumping. So, I have to carry him up & down the stairs to go outside & to get up on the sofa. Luckily he’s only a medium sized terrier–27 lbs.

I’ll be honest. None of this is easy. I hate doing this on my own. My mother always handled the medical stuff, even with the dogs. I’m a little squeamish. But it’s just that she’s not here. It’s weird to be making all this decisions on my own.

So, we’ll just get through this recovery & after the results come back BENIGN on Friday, we can move on. Whatever moving on is.

(I would post a picture of Leo, but apparently I have none on my computer & my digital camera died so I can’t take any right now. Sorry.)

Started the morning off with breakfast with 2 of my uncles (my mother’s brothers). My grandmother was supposed to be there, but she wasn’t feeling well. I come from a very small family, & one that’s not incredibly close. So, now I find myself not minding these Sunday family breakfasts. Even if they are a little early. We discussed my grandmother’s care & me essentially taking over my mother’s responsibilities. They were fine with it. It makes it easier to know they’re ok with it. I’m sure they don’t mind.

Then spent the rest of the afternoon taking my father to lunch & to a movie for his birthday. Totally low key. I don’t think it was lost on either of us when he said he realized that yesterday he was 63, & then all of a sudden today he was 64, another year older. My mother’s not going to get another year older.

We saw Quantum of Solace. I loved Casino Royale, so I really wanted to see this. I like the Bond franchise as a whole, but I’m more of a Daniel Craig fan. Anyways, the movie was better than the reviews made it out to be, but I definitely feel like I need to see it again to get it. I feel like I missed a few things here & there. I will admit, I do think they didn’t give enough emphasis to a few threads that were mentioned early on in the movie. But, overall, I liked it. Good distraction.

This evening I hung out at a friend’s place. Once my father left, I wasn’t really in the mood to be home alone. Felt like I needed to be with people & talking. Now, I’m home watching The Notebook (never seen it before) & typing this.

So, 2 days until Leo’s surgery. I’m not so worried about the surgery. From everything I’ve been told, it sounds like he’ll be doing okay within a couple of days. I’m staying positive & just repeating over & over: It’s benign. It’s benign. It’s benign. Good thoughts.

8 weeks.

Yes, I’m still counting. I can’t not.

Started the day at my writing group. Got in a 1000 words. Tiny tiny dent. Still woefully behind. Today is the half-way mark for NaNoWriMo. Um, I should be at 25,000. Let’s just say I’m a tad bit behind.

After had lunch with a friend. Chinese. Very good.

Then, came home to clean up in preparation for the write-out at my house this evening. The dogs ran around making a mess in every spot I’d just cleaned. Typical. Then ran to the market to get food & wine to keep us writing.

Made it home just in time for people to start arriving. The write-out was good. For the most part we hung out, talked, & ate; but we did get a little writing in. I got in another 1,000 words. Finally broke 7,500 words. It was kind of fun to hang out with them & write at home. The dogs were well behaved. All their quirks were on full display. They entertained as usual.

The vet called with results from Leo’s blood tests. All normal. Another hurdle passed successfully. Two more to go: surgery & results.

(It’s benign.

It’s benign.

It’s benign.)

A busy enough day to keep me from obsessing over the fact that it’s been 8 weeks. But did find myself noting the time when I came home that day & found her. I realize I do that every Saturday. I wonder when that will stop. Probably the same time I stop counting the weeks. In other words, no time soon.

Image: tanakawho via flickr