As 2009 draws to a close, I decided to look back at my post for January 1, 2009. In that post, I decided in lieu of New Years’ resolutions I was going to come up with 4 words that would define my life in 2009. I chose:

CONNECTED

CENTERED

ACTUALIZED

PROSPERED

I’d say that 2 out of 4 is where I’ve ended up at the end of the year.

At the end of 2008 I was feeling scattered & disconnected from what I liked, loved, wanted, & just from the moment in general. At the end of 2009, I can honestly say that I feel more CONNECTED to all those things than I ever have in my life. This past year as forced me to reexamine my life & to take the time to pay attention to my likes, dislikes, and wants. More importantly, it has forced me to stay in the moment for fear of getting lost in the enormity of the turmoil that has run rampant through this past year. Learning to stay in the moment & to pay attention to myself has been a valuable lesson. It has given me a roadmap to where I want and need to go. Before this year I was flying blind. Now, I feel like I have a pretty damn good idea of what I want and what is going to make me happy.

Very related to CONNECTED was being CENTERED. Again, this was about being in the moment & trying my best to remain calm amidst turmoil. It was about feeling in sync–emotionally, physically, spiritually, creatively. I do feel CENTERED at the end of the year. And that comes from being connected to and knowing what I want and need to be happy. I took the time to just let myself be wherever I was emotionally, physically, spiritually, or creatively. I paid attention to what my mind, body, and soul needed on a day to day basis.  I still had moments where I got scattered & negative, but I’ve been able to nip those moments in the bud a bit quicker than I would have in the past.

Now, as for ACTUALIZED and PROSPERED…well, those two I feel that I didn’t quite do as well on. ACTUALIZED was supposed to be about finishing projects, moving forward on goals. While I did move forward with the novel this year, I maybe didn’t give it quite the focus it should have had. And there were other goals that I’d have liked to have moved forward on, but I didn’t. As for PROSPERED, I’ll blame the current state of the economy for this one. I at least kept my head, more often than not, above water. So, I’ll be good to myself and give myself a little credit for the small degree to which these two words materialized in my life. There was movement & movement is always good.

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