Currently listening to: Story of Us by Sarah Fimm

Last night was interesting. I was talking to a 17-year old kid I’ve known for years. Occasionally I turn into his therapist. He’s a smart, mature 17-year old guy who is genuinely a good kid. Unfortunately, he’s dealing with the trials & tribulations of being a teenager, complete with girlfriend problems. His relationship with his girlfriend is a constant source of drama & despair. His mother & I know he could do so much better & that this girl is totally using & abusing him. But, he’s afraid to break-up with her. Not because he doesn’t know it’s the right thing to do, but because he’s scared to death of feeling hurt. We spent a couple hours last night hashing out the latest. I kept telling him that yes, it’s going to be hard, & yes, you’re going to hurt for awhile, but you will survive. I know on some level he gets that, but he’s still so afraid of feeling horrible. I told him you will experience worse things in your life than this break-up; you will face harder moments, & you will survive. I wanted to play the “dead mother card.” You know, tell him that he thinks this is the worst thing ever & then tell him to look at what I’ve gone through. Sometimes I’m not sure that I’m surviving, but I know I am. I’m still here. I’m still getting up every morning. Admittedly, I still feel like I’m in a haze & none of it feels real, but I’m surviving & I’m moving forward. But I know to play my trump card would be unfair. I’m hoping I said enough & that his head & heart will finally realize what is best for him & that he deserves so much better.

I’ve found myself in so many situations since my mother’s death where I’ve wanted to play this card I’ve been dealt. Five days after my mother died, my brother, his girlfriend, & I were driving & were rear-ended. Nothing major. No damage. Everyone involved was going at slow speed. But, all parties pulled over. The driver who hit us was a 16 year-old kid who just got him driver’s license. As my brother wrote down his insurance information (just in case), the kid kept apologizing. In his defense he said, “I just got out of class & I’ve got a lot on my mind.” My brother & I just looked at each other. We both knew what the other was thinking…”Kid, you think you have a lot on your mind?!?!” But neither of us said a word. If anything it proved to be worth a laugh…a laugh at the absurdity of the situation.

Embarking on NaNoWriMo again tomorrow & making the decision to go ahead with draft #2 of the WIP helps me move forward. Each gives me a goal, something to work on, to work towards. I guess I’m trying to reshuffle the deck, to see what I draw in the future. I don’t want to be playing this card forever.

Image: Abulic Monkey via flickr