It hit me on the way home tonight. I can’t call her. I can’t come home & tell her something. I almost dialed her number tonight to ask her if she wanted me to pick up any food on my way home.

A month has gone by. It feels like yesterday. I don’t know where the time has gone. Usually getting through a month of anything means you should be used to whatever you were marking time for. Usually it means there’s some reward at the end. After a month of this, I’m neither used to any of it, nor I’m I closer to any reward. I don’t get to talk to or see her.

I’ve started crying & I can’t stop.

For the most part, today was ok. I had lunch with old family friends–my best friend’s mother who I’ve known since I was 6, & who was a friend of my mother’s; and one of my best friend’s sisters. They were the first ones here that day. They stayed with me all that night.

It wasn’t till 10 o’clock tonight that everything hit me & that I started falling apart. Although, it’s kind of hard to fall apart when you’re already so scattered. I don’t even know how to start picking up the pieces.

So, my new thing to mark the 20th…I’d thought I’d have most of the day free. Didn’t. That was probably good. I guess the best I can do today is I tried radishes for the first time today. They weren’t bad.

Image: Red Giraffe via flickr

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