Mood: Good, but I don’t know why. I shouldn’t over-analyze moments like this.

Currently Listening to: Tapes by Alanis Morissette

No, I haven’t exactly implemented my new regime. Tomorrow I promise.

Did have writing group today. Sara, who has been reading what I have of my manuscript, said today that I should consider writing this thing in 1st POV. I know. She knows how much I’ve battled with the 3rd vs. 1st question. We talked about it and I agree. If you ask me who the story is about, it’s about Audrey and it’s about how she deals emotionally with the revelations she’s confronted with. It is about how she processes and deals with the people and situations around her. It’s in a sense her coming-of-age story/emotional catharsis. And because of that, the loud voice in the back of my head keeps telling me, yelling at me, that this should be written from her POV. Admittedly it is now, but from 3rd limited. But I don’t think it will/is doing her/the story justice. I hate that I’m back here again, but I don’t think I’d be back here dissecting my choice if it was the right one. There’s something to the fact that I’ve never settled completely into 3rd.

Sara and I agreed that I need to just push forward with this draft in 3rd and get to the end. Figure it all out. Then, I need to go back and start over in 1st. The reality is, I’m going to have to look at the two drafts when I’m done and decide which one to ultimately go forward with. But until I’ve laid it all out in 1st, I’m not going to get rid of the doubts and voices in my head.

Part of me just wants to go back and start over again in 1st now, but I know I can’t. That’s just me avoiding where I am–somewhere in the messy middle where I don’t know what is coming next or where I’m going. Freefall. Yes, it’s an exhilarating, freeing, intriguing stage to be in, but at the same time, picking up where I left off is daunting….thus, the procrastination. I’m nothing if not self-aware when it comes to my writing, or at least my process.

So, anyways, I feel like immersing myself in 1st-person POV books as I go forward. I just started The Bell Jar–about 1/3 through. Liking so far, even if it is a little slow. But Plath has some beautiful lines and writes about images, moments that I know we have all experienced, but over look. In a way I guess she’s helping me slow down and notice the details a little better. So, I need more 1st-person POV books. Yes, continuing with the summer reading list, but I think I also need this. I guess I could start with going back to the books I’ve loved/liked that are in 1st, but I also need new ones. I wish you could search on Amazon using technique/style. I guess I’ll just have to spend an afternoon in a bookstore and do some browsing. I think this might call for a trip to Book Soup. I haven’t been for awhile and I realize I miss it. It reminds me of Kramer Books in DC, which I loved browsing & shopping in when I lived there. There’s Vroman’s near me, which I like, but I like Book Soup because it has more of the British/European bookstore feel, and shopping for books in Europe is one of my favorite tourist activities. Hmmm…might have to suck up the wasted gas and make a drive over there this week.

Ok. So, need to get to bed. Actually want to read for a bit. Could not get to sleep till after 3 last night and woke up before 8. Amazingly, not tired. Actually had a nice day. Writing group this morning; followed by telephone call with one of my best friends who is moving to El Salvador (of all places) on Monday for 2-years; ran some errands–always love Costco on a Saturday afternoon; and then just kind of chilled out and watched some TV. The weather was great today, if a little warm. Pulled out my favorite black summer dress this afternoon to hang out in. Realized, I am so uneven. I’m trying my best to stay out of the sun and all that, but have ended up with some unsightly lines that I need to take care of to wear this dress in public. But anyways, I want to get up fairly early tomorrow and try and hit the gym–part of the new regime. I know I’m probably spending the afternoon with my father–Father’s Day and all. I have absolutely no clue what I’m doing with him tomorrow. Totally broke and he’s impossible to shop for. Not a good mixture. Might have to take up my brother on his suggestion–take him out to eat and watch the Laker-Celtics game at some restaurant/bar. Not a horrible idea. But, I don’t know. We’ll see. Ok, that’s it. Time for bed. Things to do & all that.