the artist’s way: week 2

The theme for this week was recovering a sense of identity. When I first sat down to reflect on the past week, I really thought I was going to say that I hadn’t connected with that theme. This week was busy–work deadlines & some emotional stuff that just made getting the weekly tasks done almost impossible. Since I hadn’t completed most of the tasks, I was sure I’d fallen short on really exploring the theme & wouldn’t have connected with what was going on in my head. But apparently, without realizing it, I did tap into that theme. The theme of recovering a sense of identity really could have been my theme for this week even if I wasn’t doing the Artist’s Way process right now.

 

the artist’s way: week 1

Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity has been on my to read list for a while now. I finally picked up a copy a week & a half ago while book browsing with my friend Kim (Sassiland) who was in town & who recommended it as we were trading recommendations on writing books. Rather than read it through from beginning to end in one sitting & make some promise to myself to actually follow through with the 12-week program at a later date, I decided to start then & there. I do think my willingness to do it now of all times has much to do with the last 9 months of my life. The next 12-weeks of this process will take me through the last 3-months of what will forever be known as the hardest year of my life. There’s something about coming to the end of this process & focusing on my own creative process in the months leading up to the one-year anniversary of my mother’s death. I guess it’s a desire to really cement the fact that while this year has been the worst of my life, it has also (oddly) been one of the most interesting (& at at times even good), & much of what has made it interesting/good has been my interest in really figuring out who I am, what I believe, & what makes me happy. And much of that has to do with focusing on the creative process in general, as well as mine in particular.

 

ah, to be a writing slut

As I’ve meandered along (ok, scraped, clawed, & tortured myself) through this novel-in-progress of mine, I’ve never seriously expected to make a living from it. Of course I’ve had the occasional daydream of such a life & of calling myself a working novelist. But what I’ve come to realize is that I’d be happy just being a full-time working writer. Admittedly, I’d like all my future writing to be spent on work I love, and not on work I need; but still, I’d just like to be able to answer that inevitable What do you do for a living question by saying I’m a writer.

Writer Steve Almond, author of (Not That You Asked): Rants, Exploits, and Obsessions and The Evil B.B. Chow and Other Stories, has an funny/interesting essay in Sunday’s LA Times Books section, Can’t Say No: Why One Writer Can’t Turn Down Any Assignments, about what it means to be a working writer & why being considered a writing “slut” isn’t such a bad thing.

It really wouldn’t be such a bad thing.

 

phobia follow-up

Wow, didn’t realize how long it had been since I last posted.

So, that big interview I had was last week & it went great. I didn’t run out of questions. He didn’t stop talking. It was perfect. The only thing that seriously could have made it better was more time. The amazing thing was that leading up to it, I was fine. No nerves. During it, I was perfectly calm. Although, actually doing interviews has never been my problem. It was always the run-up that got me worked-up. Whoever this new calmer me is, I like her. It was so nice to not be obsessing about how it could go wrong. I was just in the moment and I was ok.

How very Zen of me.

 

one phobia down

Had a bit of a revelation this morning.

In college I double majored in International Relations and Journalism. IR was my primary major. I did the journalism major to have the writing background. While I loved to write, I always hating interviewing–a big part of journalism & any future career in the field. I wrote for my high school & college papers, & suffered through the interviews for those stories. I always got great feedback on those stories, but once I was done with college, I made the decision that I would pursue work that focused on the IR degree. The journalism background would just show that I knew how to write.

Fast-forward 12-years. As I started reformulating my career plans, writing became the focus. I realized it was what I loved to do more than anything else. While I want my focus to be creative writing, the reality is, I need to make some kind of living. Thus, the journalism degree has suddenly become useful. I have talked about the fact that I need to be working on freelance articles. I have had writing instructor’s tell me I should be doing it. I’ve gotten nothing but encouragement. I know I have the writing skills. But still, the interview phobia has held me back.

 

packing up

I spent this past Friday packing up my mother’s room. In the immediate weeks after she died, my brother & I had tried to do it, but couldn’t. It was too soon. We had agreed that it was something we would do later, together. Well, circumstances forced me to do it Friday, alone.

For the most part, I packed her things up into storage containers to be stored in the garage. A few things were more easily sent off to Goodwill. While I couldn’t bear to part with her clothes, I could let go of her shoes. I really don’t understand the logic of that. But, then again, how am I supposed to logically wrap my mind around the fact that I’m packing up my mother’s room & getting rid of some of her things when I still illogically expect her to walk through the door & apologize for being gone so long.

 

first dog cancer drug approved

Well, this is interesting.

A week ago today, my dog Leo completed chemotherapy to treat mast cell tumors (Grade III), a type of cancer. His chemo protocol used drugs that were intended for human use, but allowed for use in dogs. Until today, there were no FDA-approved cancer drugs specifically for dogs. Today, it was announced that the first FDA-approved cancer drug was approved specifically to treat canine cancer, and more specifically,  mast cell tumors.

Palladia is an oral medication. Developed by Pfizer, the drug has been in development since 2000. At the end of the clinical study, “approximately 60 percent of dogs had their tumors disappear, shrink or stop growing.” The drug won’t be available until 2010.

So far Leo has responded well to the chemotherapy protocol he was given. We’re essentially in holding pattern to see if there is any reoccurrence. I don’t know if this drug will be something we can turn to in the future if another mast cell tumor pops up. But it’s nice to know that researchers actually are working on his type of cancer.

For more information:

Pfizer Press Release: FDA Approves First Canine Cancer Therapy

Also, just discovered this organization:

Morris Animal Foundation: Cure Canine Cancer Campaign

 

lesson learned

I’ve been debating whether to bother posting about the current drama in my writing class; but I think I see the larger lesson in it which might in the end be valuable.

I may have mentioned previously that the instructor is a bit of a control freak. She’s very precise about how things should be done, & if a student doesn’t follow her guidelines she is quick to point out the mistake.

 

another year older

Image: clevercupcakes via flickr

I’m another year older. To be honest, I have no problem with getting older. Mainly because I truly don’t feel my age. Although, I’m not entirely sure what 34 is supposed to feel like. Nor for that matter what 33 was supposed to feel like.  I joke that I’m really only turning 24 since the 30’s are the new 20’s. Not that I feel like I’m 24, but I do feel more like someone in their late 20’s. I guess because I’m at a stage where I’m all about figuring out who I am and what I want to do with my life. That’s what you’re supposed to do in your 20’s. Unfortunately, I don’t think I had lived enough to figure out or know what I wanted to do with my life or who I wanted to be during my 20’s. Now that I’m older and wiser (?), I feel like I can actually work through that process.

 

last chemo for leo

Today was my dog Leo’s last chemo treatment. His oncologist (yes, my dog has an oncologist) is very happy with where we are. Six months ago, I wasn’t so sure this day would come and that Leo would be doing so well.

Overall, chemo was an non-event. For the first month, he had weekly injectable Vinblastine treatments. Then he switched to five months of twice monthly treatments, which were a mixture of the injectable Vinblastine and oral Lomustine. There were one or two days over the course of his treatment where he exhibited some side effects–mainly vomiting and decreased appetite. But for the most part, these episodes resolved themselves within a day. For the last six months, his appetite and energy level were just as they were before he was diagnosed with a Grade 3 Mast Cell Tumor (the worst kind) last November. No new masses appeared during the course of his chemo; and more importantly no mass reappeared at the site of the original mass that was surgically removed last November confirming the cancer diagnosis. His regular vet & the oncologist had warned us back when this all started that there was a strong likelihood that that mass would regrow within a couple months. Six months later, there is nothing & that is absolutely wonderful.